(Disclaimer: this might not be good as an UnUpdate since it's written in a very different style. Anyway, I hope it's funny - Axers8)
How they came up with this "brilliant idea"Edit
While living under a rock, Mod Mark bumped his head on something hard and had a very vivid vision in which runescape characters were looking at 3 things instead of 2. He later described this moment as superincrediperploxohgodthecommunityissoawesomegirating.
Mod Mark: Imagine if players had a set of rights and responsibilities, no, make it a contract, that everyone would have to waste their time reading even though what's written on it won't really be enforced because most of us won't have read it ourselves.
Mod Mark#2: But boss, we already have the rules and terms and conditions which players don't read because they know we don't take them seriously.
Mod Mark: Oh Crap! This game actually has rules?!
Mod Mark#3: Yeah, just the other day, some kids reported me for website advertising when I said "Come check us out on Twitter!"
Mod Mark: WoW! Knowing us and the way our reports are carried out, you might actually get muted for that!
Mod Mark#4: So what are we going to do? So far for March all we have planned are a tutorial disguised as a quest, a D&D which could actually be worthwhile if its rewards weren't so shitty and a minig...activity, no wait, another D&D, ok, what the ****?! Kids playing with rocks?! Really? We couldn't do better... Aaaaargh! *Epic Facepalm*
Mod MMG: I LIKE PURPLE DONKEYS!!!!!!!!!
Mod Mark: That's great, sir
Mod MMG: Hey, you're an ass... I'm going to have fun with you!! *gets up and wildly swings his sword at Mark*
(Mod Mark jumps out of the way and slams into a wall)
Mod Mark#2: WoW, our C.E.O. is one mean drunk!
Mod MMG: Come here donkey, I want to stick my sword in you... *very evil stare*
Mod Mark: Quick! Someone shoot him! Someone kill him!
Mod Mark#3: But boss, if we kill him, we'll have to find another scapegoat...
Mod Mark: Scapegoat?
Mod Mark#3: You know... a goat... in Runescape...
Mod Mark#2: No we won't, if we kill him, he'll just respawn in Cambridge with his 3 best items
(The Marks completely forget about the combat triangle, pull out their guns and open fire. Mod MMG is wounded badly and heals himself by eating one of his own arms)
Mod MMG: That's because the booze I drank was actually a hitpoints potion which raised my potential max hp rather than just my current hp.
Mod Mark#4: Hitpoints potions... It's a shame we can't put something like that in Prunescape with the current way Hitpoints works and all...
Mod Mark(it is unclear which one): GUYS! I GOTSES AN IDEA NAO!!!!
What happened on 3/3/2010Edit
First, the Hitpoints Skill was separated from the actual amount of Hitpoints that a player has(as you take damage, the skill itself no longer decreases.) Next, the amount of Hitpoints players have and the amount of damage done or taken by players was multiplied by 10. (99 HP => 990 HP)
To avoid confusion, the skill was renamed Constitution and the points themselves became known as Life Points.
PROS and CONSEdit
Here is some of the logic behind this update:
- This update stops RWT. Now players will be less inclined to buy the 99 damage splat T-Shirt from the Jagex Store.
- It pisses off people with epilepsy
- The Constipation skill can now be used in quest requirements
- This makes damage done in combat more accurate. Previously, a hit for 24.99999 damage would get rounded down to 24. With Constriction, that hit would be rounded down to 249.
- The above means that your max hit(particularly with magic,) has likely been slightly increased.
- If points are multiplied by 10 again, some players will have OVER 9000 HP
- Seeing players use "Con" as an abbreviation for Construction was annoying. Now it's both annoying AND confusing.
- It gave Mod MMG an excuse to try to stick a sword in his ass
- You now HAVE to pay attention to the hitpoints icon by the minimap if you want to make sure that cow doesn't kill you. YAY!!!
- Chickens can kill now... Really!
- Noobs will hit less 0s. This is good for Jagex since many Jmods are zeroes themselves
(Oh that was cold... Whoever you are, you're fucking fired! - Mod Mark)
- If Jagex didn't shatter the Hitpoints skill, we wouldn't have Shattered Heart(Note that both updates were released on the same day.)
- This change has many PROS and CONS. Since according to Jagex(and their kin,) the PROS far outweigh the CONS, the skill`s actual name is Prostitution
- Changing hitpoints to life points was neccessary since hitpoints are associated with pen and paper roleplaying games(one of which, ironically, is what Dungeoneering was based off of.)
Don`t worry though, life points is a much better term, especially for games like Yu-gi-oh, Magic the Gathering and now Prunescape.
- "It`s time to duel!"
- "From this pouch I summon the Gower Magician. Gower Magician, dark cabbage attack!!"
- "Yeah, well I summon my Blue Eyes Mithril Dragon. Now I offer up this scroll card to initiate my dragon`s special ability. Blue eyes, attack his life points directly!!
- Go! White Lightning!!!!!!!"
- "NOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY LIFE POINTS!!!!"
- (I must trust in the heart of the cards... there`s only one card that can save me...*draws* Damn it! That wasn`t the one I needed...Meh... I`ll just cheat...)
- "YES! NOW I COMBINE THESE ROCKS TO FORM JAGEXODIA THE FORBIDDEN ONE
- JAGEXODIA, OBLITERATE!!!!!"
- For the above reasons, noone in their right mind actually calls them life points